TRYING TO CAPTURE PARANOIA

A Night Walk Of Horror

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“Trying to escape” 

 

    It’s one of the last hot nights of September and you are so unbearably bored. What do you do to lessen it? You take your camera and get out to walk. Whither? Even you don’t have a clue. So you wander around for a quite long time that you forget of boredom. However, you suddenly realize you are actually in the middle of a road with barely any lights and woods at both right and left side. There are no people around, apart from few cars that cross by very fast, so you are getting afraid of this creepy situation. What do you do again? Keep walking straight ahead, obviously, like it’s an ordinary mid-day walk…till this very moment when you come up with the idea of getting into the park and be creative… How ?

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In the middle of the road; one of the few cars that came across.

          But of course, by externalizing this late midnight “fear”, by capturing this agony of yours to be found under the light again. But what you actually wonder is “how can I photograph “fear” without taking a photo of a face, of my face in this case”. Is it possible to capture fear by taking photo of a bench for example? And the most struggling… how do you manage to do so under circumstances of real horror?                                                                       That’s how, more or less, another adventure of mine started on my first days of being an Erasmus student in Nysa, Poland:

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This is the one and only non-flash photo I took. It depicts, almost completely, the real horror I felt. I could barely see in a two-meter distance.
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The first autumn leaves, beside; darkness.                                                      ( It was 22th of September, the last day of summer,astonomically at least, but autumn was already there)
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The D-light effect happened by mistake while I was walking fast to get out of the park. If you look more carefully at the center of the photo, you might see the shape of an eye and an evil smile of a “man” running to catch me. When I checked the photo I was shocked…
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The mind games with the shadows.
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The absolute capture of agony to escape. In case of failure, I would become a paranoiac wandering.
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As getting closer to the exit, my head was getting more and more dizzy because of the city lights.

Finally, I reached safely home…

That’s something I did experience for the first time in my life; to almost purposely put myself under conditions of extreme fear, to  get my adrenaline going.

This is actually what appeals to me, when something isn’t quite normal.